Ep 2 | Leading without a map

Every leader has a moment. That quiet pause between I think I can, I'm not so sure. Welcome to Tutem Talk with me, Karen Ants. Together, we'll explore what it means to lead with heart, to build confidence not from control, but from connection. Because your leadership isn't about perfection.

It's about presence. And when you trust yourself, your team will too. Join me as we explore leadership in the everyday and beyond. Welcome to Tutem Talk where we explore leadership in the everyday and beyond. I'm your host, Karen Nance, Gallup Certified Coach and Founder of Tutem Leadership Coaching.

If you're new here, I'm so glad you've found your way to this space. And if you've been listening since the trailer, welcome back. This is a podcast for those moments in leadership when you're not sure you're doing it right, but you're doing your best to do it with heart. Because leadership isn't about having all the answers. It's about staying present long enough to ask the right questions.

Have you ever had one of those moments where you look around and realize you've been placed in charge, but no one ever told you how to be in charge? You were promoted because you were good at your craft, your teaching, your strategy, your client relationships, your care for people, and suddenly you're leading a team. You're holding meetings, making decisions, trying to motivate others, all while still doing the job that got you noticed in the first place. At first, yeah, it feels exciting, but then reality hits that there's no clear map. No one told you that leadership would mean carrying the weight of uncertainty or that some days your biggest work wouldn't be managing projects but managing emotion, energy, and expectations.

You start to wonder, am I doing this right? Why does it feel so lonely up here? And why am I always putting out fires instead of building something sustainable? If that's you, take a breath with me. Yes, that breath right there.

Good work. Because I want you to know something right here at the start of this conversation. You are not broken. You are not behind. You are leading without a map.

That's one of the most courageous things a person can do. We have this quiet myth about leadership that you're supposed to feel ready before you lead. But in reality, most of us are leading while learning. We're figuring out how to motivate others while still figuring out how to motivate ourselves. We're learning to give feedback while still craving it.

We're managing people who've had very different experiences than we've ever had, and sometimes that means holding tension we don't yet know how to name. I remember working with a leader I'll call her Melissa she was promoted into a director role at a nonprofit that she loved, But as soon as she got the title, she started doubting herself. She told me, Kara, I feel like I'm playing catch up every single day. Everyone's looking to me for direction, but I'm still trying to find my footing. When I asked what kind of support she'd been given, she paused and said softly, well, none really, just expectations.

I think that's true for so many leaders who are handed responsibility but not always prepared for it. We're expected to lead teams, navigate change, and foster culture. All while no one has set us down to talk about trust, communication, or the emotional side of leadership. That gap between expectation and preparation is where burnout, confusion, and self doubt love to live. Unclear expectations might be the single biggest cause of team tension that I see in my coaching practice.

They sound small, but they have a ripple effect. When people don't know what quote unquote good looks like, they make up their own versions. And when everyone's working from a different version of success, even good intentions can start to clash. It's not because people don't care, it's because they care deeply, but without clarity. That caring turns into over functioning.

It turns into staying late, checking emails at midnight, or second guessing yourself before every decision. And that's where the fatigue sets in, not just physical, but emotional fatigue. What I want to emphasize here is that most of this isn't your fault. Many of us inherited systems that weren't designed for trust. They were designed for compliance, for getting things done efficiently, not for understanding why they matter or how they affect people.

So if you're carrying the weight of someone else's clear, unclear expectations, it's okay to set them down for a moment Because leadership isn't about doing it all perfectly. It's about being honest enough to say, this part isn't clear, and we can clarify it together. So what does it look like to lead without a map, but not without direction? It starts with curiosity. Curiosity about yourself, your team, and the system you're operating in.

Ask yourself, what expectations have I been carrying that were never actually mine? What stories do I tell myself about what a quote unquote good leader does? And are those stories helping or harming me? And what would it feel like to lead with more clarity and less control? Because sometimes leadership isn't about adding skills.

It's about unlearning old ones. It's about replacing I have to know everything with I'm open to learning anything. Replacing I should have figured this out with I'm figuring this out in real time. And that's not a weakness. That's wisdom.

You might be surprised how much shifts when you start modeling that kind of self awareness for your team. When a leader says, I don't know, but I'll find out, or I'm still learning how to handle this better. It gives everyone else permission to be human too. And that's the soil where trust starts to grow. I once coached an executive director and we'll call him David, mid-40s running a growing team at a local organization.

When we first met he said Kara I'm exhausted my team depends on me for everything. If I take a day off, everything stops. As we unpacked it, we realized he was operating under an unspoken belief that good leaders carry their teams. But here's the reframe: good leaders don't carry their teams, they connect their teams. So over time David began asking different questions in meetings.

Instead of what do you need me to decide? He asked, what do you see that I might be missing? Or what's one decision we can make together this week? It wasn't overnight, but over time, the team started stepping forward. They built they built clarity together.

And David finally had space to think strategically again. And that's the power of releasing the map and building trust instead. If you're listening right now, I want to invite you into a short reflection. Maybe take a moment. If you're walking, driving, or sitting at your desk, just breathe and consider these questions: Where in my leadership do I feel most lost right now?

Who or what could help me find just the next step of clarity? And what part of my story needs compassion, not correction, today? You don't have to know the whole path, just the next step that feels honest and kind. Leading without a map doesn't mean leading without hope. It means acknowledging that leadership is less about direction and more about discernment.

Every day, you get to practice being the kind of leader you once needed. You get to create clarity where there was once confusion. You get to model courage in the middle of uncertainty. And maybe most importantly, you get to remember that you're not alone on this journey. This podcast and the TUTUM community around it exists because leadership is human work.

It's about connection, not perfection. If today's conversation resonated with you, I'd love to invite you to stay connected. You can visit tutemleadershipcoaching.com to learn more about coaching, retreats, and team facilitation, or to simply explore what leading with clarity and compassion might look like for you. Now if you found a moment of truth or calm in this episode, would you take a second to share it with another leader who might need the reminder that they're not alone? I appreciate you doing so.

You can also follow, rate, and review TutemTalk on anywhere you listen to your podcasts. It helps other leaders find their way to this space as well. Until next time, my friends. Remember, you don't need the whole map to lead well, just the courage to take the next right step. Take care and lead with heart.

I know you have a lot of options on how you carve out your day and spend your time, and I'm honored that you decided to spend some time here today at Tutem Talk. Remember that leadership, isn't something that we master once. It's something we grow into moment by moment. My hope is that today offered you a little more clarity, a little more courage, and a reminder that you're not leading alone. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who might need it too.

And remember, confidence doesn't come from having all the answers. It grows from connection, curiosity, and the courage to keep showing up. I'm Karen Ants, and this has been Tutem Talk, exploring leadership in the everyday and beyond.