Ep 3 | Influence Over Image

Every leader has a moment. That quiet pause between I think I can, I'm not so sure. Welcome to Tutem Talk with me, Karen Ants. Together, we'll explore what it means to lead with heart, to build confidence not from control, but from connection. Because your leadership isn't about perfection.

It's about presence. And when you trust yourself, your team will too. Join me as we explore leadership in the everyday and beyond. Welcome back to Tutem Talk where we explore leadership in the everyday and beyond. I'm your host, Karen Ants.

Today's conversation is one I think every leader, myself included, has wrestled with: the tension between image and influence. This episode is called Influence Over Image. Because leadership isn't about being impressive, it's about being impactful. And impact starts with presence, not perfection. I want to start with a confession.

When I first stepped into into leadership, I thought I had to become someone else. Someone more polished, more certain, more leader like. I'd watch how others in senior roles spoke, how they carried themselves, and even how they paused before answering. I started shaping myself to fit that mold. But the truth?

Every time I tried to look the part, I lost a little bit of who I really was. I was so focused on the image of leadership that I forgot its purpose: influence. And influence, real heart centered influence, doesn't come from appearance. It comes from alignment. And I once coached a leader who said, Kara, I feel like I'm wearing a mask every day.

It fits well enough, but it's exhausting. I could see it in her posture. Her shoulders carried not just responsibility, but performance. That mask, That's not deceit. It's protection.

When the culture around us rewards perfection, we learn to perform. But eventually, that performance drains the very energy we need to lead. Because connection can't happen through a mask. People can feel when you're performing, but they can also feel when you're real. And when you're real, they exhale.

Your authenticity gives them permission to drop their masks too. That's what makes authenticity contagious. We live in a world that celebrates the highlight reel, where leadership quotes are turned into wall art and confidence is sometimes mistaken for certainty. But leadership isn't about never being uncertain. It's about being grounded within uncertainty.

When you lead people, especially through change or chaos, there's this quiet pressure to keep it together, to look calm even when you're spinning inside. And yet, every team that I've ever worked with says the same thing. What we want most from our leader and our leadership is honesty. Not heroism, not the illusion of control. Honesty.

Because when a leader says, I don't have all the answers, and I'm here with you, trust deepens, walls lower, and the team begins to step forward with you, not behind you. And that's influence. Let's shift from image to influence, from performance to presence. Presence doesn't mean you have to be perfectly composed all the time. It means you're attuned.

When you're truly present, not half listening, not mentally rehearsing your next point, people feel it. It's the moment in a one on one when your team member finally says what's really been bothering them. It's when someone who's been quiet suddenly shares an idea because they feel safe. That's not coincidence. That's leadership energy.

It's influence in motion. I think of presence as this invisible stabilizing force. It doesn't speak louder than others. It listens more deeply than most. Presence says, I see you.

You matter here. You don't have to earn my respect. You already have it. And when leaders bring that kind of groundedness into a room, something shifts. People stop performing and start participating.

They stop posturing and start connecting. You don't need to be the loudest or the smartest in the room to create impact. You just need to be fully there. If you're able, take a breath with me. A slow, full inhale.

And an even slower exhale. You don't have to close your eyes. Just let yourself land here for a moment. Ask yourself gently, where in my leadership am I performing instead of connecting? Where am I editing myself to appear more composed instead of being more present?

And what would shift if I let presence take the lead instead of perfection? Because that's where real influence begins, not in control, but in connection. Influence is about what you do and more about how your presence impacts others. Let me say that again. Influence is less about what you do and more about how your presence impacts others.

Think about the people who've influenced you and have influenced you most. Chances are they weren't flawless. They were real. They were the ones who saw you when you doubted yourself, who stayed steady when the room was tense, who offered grace when you made mistakes. That's leadership energy.

It's quiet, but it reverberates. When you lead with authenticity, your influence ripples outward. You model what it looks like to lead without armor. You show that strength and softness can coexist. And slowly, your team begins to mirror that same groundedness back.

Meetings feel more human. Decisions get made from clarity, not fear. And people start to trust themselves because they see you trusting yourself. And that, my friend, is what shifts culture. Not a strategy document, not another motivational poster, but a leader who chooses presence over performance.

From a strengths based perspective, this matters deeply. Gallup's research shows that people are most influential when they're operating from their natural patterns of thought, feeling, and behavior. That means your greatest influence doesn't come from mimicking another leader. It comes from owning who YOU are. If your top themes lean toward reflection and empathy, your influence might show up in how you listen, how you make people feel seen.

If your strengths are strategic and command, your influence might come through clarity and conviction. Neither is better. Both are needed. When you know your strengths, when you can name them, claim them, and aim them, you don't need to chase image. Your presence is the influence.

So maybe today leadership looks less like being impressive and more like being impactful. Less about the polish and more about the presence. Because the world doesn't need more perfect leaders. It needs more present ones. If this episode resonated with you, maybe because you're tired of performing or pretending, I want you to know this.

You're not alone. The fact that you care enough to listen, to reflect, to realign, that is leadership. So this week, I invite you to try something simple. When you walk into your next meeting and enter your next meeting, pause at the door literally or metaphorically and take one deep breath. Let go of the need to prove and instead choose to be present.

See what changes in you and around you. And if this message feels like something your colleagues or team could use, share it with them. Let's make presence the new standard of leadership. If you haven't already, subscribe or follow TutemTalk wherever you listen. And if you're finding these conversations meaningful, leave a quick review or send a note to let me know what's resonating.

It helps others find this space too. Until next time, keep leading from who you are, not who you think you should be, because your presence is your power. I know you have a lot of options on how you carve out your day and spend your time, and I'm honored that you decided to spend some time here today at Tutem Talk. Remember that leadership, isn't something that we master once. It's something we grow into moment by moment.

My hope is that today offered you a little more clarity, a little more courage, and a reminder that you're not leading alone. If this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it with someone who might need it too. And remember, confidence doesn't come from having all the answers. It grows from connection, curiosity, and the courage to keep showing up. I'm Karen Ants and this has been Tutem Talk, exploring leadership in the everyday and beyond.